October 26, 2008   Filed Under: Uncategorized   228 words

There are days that I hate everything about my life. I feel very alone and like no one truly understand what its like to have to get up for another day. Especially when the days before have kicked your ass. I don’t feel like that so much right now. Not that I won’t later but for the moment, I’m content. And full, Mom made yummy food tonight. but anyways. There was a friend of my kid sister’s and she was having a lot of the same problems that I had when I was her age. Well we have a lot more in common then even I thought. Not only do I have a new friend, but this girl can confide in me because I understand because I’ve been there. she’s not going to turn to a friend of hers that could hand her a whole shit ton of trouble like the hand that was delt to me. She no longer has to feel alone. she’s got me. And that makes me feel amazing that I helped her. My sister thankfully saw all the warning signs, all the same ones that apparently I give out lol. But she asked me to talk to this girl and thankfully I did. Because now its a whole new ball game. And I feel wonderful. And I hope she feels better too.

We are nothing more then meeting Souls.

October 24, 2008   Filed Under: Uncategorized   278 words

When I first started to study Wicca a lot didn’t make sense to me, but still I felt really warm and fuzzy when practicing. Like it wasn’t wrong, it was home. Well something was explained to me like this: (Which I just had to share with my boyfriend) When we first were told that we were coming to this earth we had families, friends, and such in the pre earth life. When  we came to this earth we all were at different levels of learning, so our past lives we might have been a brother or sister friend or enemy to one certain person and in the next life something completely different. But you tend to gravitate towards souls that you already know. Which seems like a waste of time, but really it isn’t. If you think about it, you are always learning things from the people around you. Even if you don’t like that person you still are learning something from them. Even if its to not trust them and not to do it again.

I guess what I’m trying to get at is don’t take the people in your life for granted. Even if you hate their guts. Because ultimately you have something to learn from them. This all came about because my boyfriend whom I love to pieces, has this student, who is a lot like him, even said students last girlfriend was a Wiccan.  So he called me to ask me some questions. He understood, then I gave him hell for waking me up. GRRRRR. ROFL. I went to bed at like 9 pm. I have to get up in ooooh about three hours. Damn.

October 22, 2008   Filed Under: Uncategorized   148 words

I got a 90 on my math test! I’m sooo excited! If I keep pulling off good grades then I’ll break my C average.
I really don’t have anything profound to say. Its like my brain when bye bye today. I think its because of the regular series of epiphanies that I’ve been having as of late. Since these are rather personal in nature I won’t bore you with them here. Instead I will post a cute picture instead!
Since I really haven’t posted pictures of my dogs… er well my sister and I’s dogs… ok they are hers but she shares them with me… Meet Tyson our big black bear of a dog. And Jasmine. His mother. Aren’t they cute? I know its a horrible picture it was taken with a camera phone.

October 21, 2008   Filed Under: Uncategorized   77 words

I have this great idea for a story, but I only have the start of the story in my head. The ending will probably be a surprise even to me. I’m working on homework now but I’ll be taking a break soon to get some of the story written. Ugh I think I am getting ill. Oh well. I have to get up early tomorrow morning so I am really going to work to get something done.

There are times you forget…

October 20, 2008   Filed Under: Uncategorized   71 words

I never forget when something hurts. I forget a lot of mundane things. But one of these days someone is going to piss of this witch one to many times. And they are getting mighty close. I am very close to snapping. If these stupid people don’t lay off and soon, the good girls going to go bad. In a very big way.

Screw it. They are done as of now.

GRRRRR!

October 19, 2008   Filed Under: Uncategorized   169 words

When you are running a buisness do you or do you not have to speak with your buisness partners before making any huge decsision And if your boss says “This is our day off because I have to get caught up on my school work and you get a chance to get caught up on your reading. so unless such and such happens we are not working” Would you or would you not tell people word for word what your boss dicated to you?
Yes. You would. My sister and I are buisness partners in her tattoo shop. I’m getting much much better then I was at tattooing and I’m thinking about getting a small light weight machine that I can work with, however we have this jackass wanting to run her buisness for her! I say hers because she put so much sweat blood and tears into this shop its her baby and I am mearly a partner. But anyways I am fuming to say the least. GRRR.

I’ve changed my mind. Again.

October 19, 2008   Filed Under: Uncategorized   466 words

I couldn’t stand the pink theme anymore. I really like this one because of everything I can do with it. Its so simple yet its cool. So I’ve been thinking. I know dangerous past time. I’ve been so depressed lately and no one knows why, hell I don’t even know why fully.
I do know that I’m sick and tired of Fake. See Fake is this entity all its own. It takes on individuals by storm and the next thing you know they are walking talking Barbie dolls. I don’t want to be fake. I’ve always considered myself a real person. And I intend to stay that way.
But this demon called Fake, it has taken apart of my life. I fake a smile. I fake being happy. I fake being normal. I fake acting like I am happy for others when inside I am dying. Faking not wanting to harm myself. To shred the pain by shredding my skin.
Fake.
I got to the point in counseling that I was about to break open the damn of internal hell that I’ve bottled up. I was about to break the fake. Then I moved. And since that didn’t work out I’m back to 100% needing counseling. Its not like I have a plan to kill myself. I wouldn’t do something like that to those I hold dearest to me. I just want to kill the pain I feel. This constant ache of being lonely, scared, and unsure. The constant plaguing in the back of my mind that says you’ve got to stop faking like you are OK.
I’ve been good. I haven’t cut, drank, smoked, or sought out the company of certain male counterparts that I seem to be so drawn to. I don’t know how much longer I can be good.
I’ve been isolating again. My computer is nearly my only outside source to the world. I don’t go to nearly half the things I should. I miss my sorority sisters. I miss my best friend.
What do you call a best friend anyways. Someone you have to hide most of yourself because he wouldn’t approve? Or someone that you can talk to no matter what. My big sister keeps telling me that I can talk to her about anything. I’m scared that she’ll go away one day. That she’ll tell me to fuck off and leave. She’s got her own life. I have mine. Mine just keeps getting a thicker and thicker wall.
At this point I don’t care if people understand me. I don’t care if people judge. I could care less what they are saying. I’ve got bigger problems.
I just don’t know how I am going to deal with said problems. Oh well. To counseling I go monday morning. Wish me luck.

We don’t need no education.

October 18, 2008   Filed Under: Uncategorized   102 words

I have been doing school work all day. I am taking a break for blogging. My head is nearly at explosion point. I don’t understand why I get such a headache when it comes to sitting down and actually doing something constructive. I’ve been working my ass off all day. Ok so I watched a show or two while studying. But really I am doing a GOOD job at homework. I have algebra and a labsim to do yet.
So far I have gotten my boards done.Which is a definate plus.
*crosses fingers* I have a date tomorrow. Wish me luck!

For the love of pete.

October 16, 2008   Filed Under: Uncategorized   95 words

I am so unfocused. I just wanted to get some homework done. But no. The laundry is nearly done. Only a couple more hours left of getting things done. oy. I am so angry at that little dog. He pissed over everything. Imagine having cloths that WERE clean but then the dog pissed on them, the people we were staying with trashed the room trying to get their shit packed up. CRAP! Sooo laundry day it is. Daddy just came home so I am going to get off here and talk to him for awhile.

For one night and one night only.

October 16, 2008   Filed Under: Uncategorized   84 words

Karyn is back in action! That’s right. I am singing with my kid sister at the nursing home where my grandfather lives. We are doing In his eyes. From Jeckyll and hyde. Which makes me happy. My sister’s voice teacher was my voice teacher when I was in high school,plus we grew up up with her kids. Just one of the many its nice to have connections.  I love the idea of singing for grandpa. Even if he won’t remember us. >.<

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